Do I need Theology? Part 2
3. Your theology better be able to stand up to the weight of life’s circumstances.
Anger, despair, pain, frustration, exhaustion, confusion, and more than anything else.. sadness. Those were just a few emotions I remember feeling when my son took his last breath, as well as when he got his diagnosis. But, I was conditioned (by the theological camp I listened to) to believe that if we used the anointing oil, declared the truth that was in the Bible, and prayed with faith, then he would be healed right in front of our eyes and God would complete his healing on this earth. Although this is 100% possible under the all-powerful hand of God, that did not happen for Jabyn. I wish it did. I would have traded anything, including my own life for his. I would have given up my ministry, my income, and everything I owned. I would have done anything, and for the most part, I did. I fasted and I prayed. I cried out to God in desperation. Then on May 18th, 2018 he took his last breath. And I was left with one key question:
What do you do when you’ve done everything you were told to do to receive your miracle and it doesn’t happen?
4. God’s goodness is not measured by any of my circumstances, but by the cross.
I had begun a theological journey 3 years prior in the early stages of Jabyn’s diagnosis. He wasn’t healed after the first prayer meeting, the first anointing moment, the first prayer of faith. His name is written on paper that sits in the western wall of Israel right now where people pray day and night. Amazing friends and family from other churches hosted 24-hour prayer services where they prayed day and night for him! At one point we knew of 37 different countries and people in all 50 states praying for Jabyn! There was no shortage on our part. God did what a sovereign God does, He zoomed out to a viewpoint beyond what we can see and determined what would ultimately bring Him the most glory from Jabyn’s life, as well as my family’s, and then He chose this path for us. I realized early on that God does not owe me anything! He doesn’t owe me healing or money. He doesn’t owe me blessing or finances. He doesn’t owe me health, wealth, or prosperity! My love for God is not wrapped up in what he may or may not give me. My burning, passionate, consuming love for God is not deterred by Jabyn’s passing. Don’t get me wrong I have moments where I look into the sky and share my opinion of God’s plan with Him, followed by repentance. He has given me the Job talk a few times, “Where were you when I created the world” type of stuff (Job 38:4)… But, my love for God doesn’t fail, quite the opposite actually. God’s goodness is not measured by what He does on earth in my life, it is measured by what He sent Jesus to Earth to do with HIS life! (2 Corinthians 8:9)
5. You will only know God truly when you know the Bible intimately.
The good news of Jesus with a proper theological view brings the world we live in down to a small moment, or breathe (James 4:14) while simultaneously clarifying eternity as the endless existence in Heaven with God and all those He saved, including Jabyn. (1 Thess 4:13) My love for God is rooted in scripture and theology. A theology that says that one day all of this suffering will end and we will meet Jesus face to face. (Revelation 21:4) But also a theology that points back to what the Bible says about how desperately Jesus wants us to experience this
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:6-8
How much Jesus loves me, Jabyn, you and everyone isn’t measured by your surroundings, your circumstances, your struggles, your pains, your outcomes, your bank account, your shortcomings, or your pain! How much Jesus loves you is defined by what He did so that all of those things aren’t the end for you! One day, if you are saved, your bank account will be attached to God’s who owns it all (Psalm 50:10), your circumstances will have no more pain (Revelation 21:4), and your despair will not exist (2 Cor 4:8-18). God made that possible! But, to see God clearly and to take that vantage point within the ever-present pain that exists in our broken world, means being intimately familiar with the Bible. Because you cannot truly know God without knowing who He has said that he is in his word.
And that is exactly why there is a need for theology.